Thursday, 8 January 2015

5 Things to Think About Before You Split With Your Long Term Boyfriend!






Hi guys and girls!!

Happy 2015 to you all! I hope you had a wonderful year and are having a great start to this one. On reviewing my 2014 I found there were many ups and downs (mostly ups thankfully) but one major glitch was a break up with my boyfriend of 5 years. It happened early on in the year and without going through all of the ins and out I feel like I fully experienced all of the pros and cons and have come out pretty unscathed the other side. I learnt what and what not to do, mostly through natural intuition.

And with that being said, I thought I should share my tips with you on how to really decide sensibly what your course of action in a flailing relationship should be. This is intended for people that are in long term relationships that have been good for the most part, serious incidents of abuse etc not included!


1. GIVE IT TIME

First and foremost I think this is the most important piece of advice I can give you. Sometimes when we feel a little stuck in a relationship our first instinct is to get out of it as soon as possible... this is easier said than done if you have been with someone a long time and have been mostly happy. If this is the case I would suggest marking the current date on your calendar or diary and giving yourself at least a month (I suggest 2 months) and see how you feel then. Many factors can affect relationships, stress at work, money issues, health... don't throw out a good thing because of a couple of weeks of bickering, no one is perfect all the time. If at the end of two months you are still as unhappy if not more so then it's a pretty safe bet it's time to move on...


2. ARE YOU THE PROBLEM?

This may be a little controversial but are you sure that you are not a little stressed, depressed or angry at the moment and therefore taking it out on your partner? Is he responding to your attitude? Or is it both of you? Either way it can't hurt during the 'give it time' phase to try to be a better, more understanding partner. As hard as it may seem to try to be nice to someone that is driving you round the bend.... sometimes that is all a person needs to shake off their bad moods etc. You making more of an effort can inspire him to do so too.


3. WORK OUT THE REAL REASON YOU DON'T WANT TO SPLIT UP

If you are so unhappy in your relationship at the moment you are looking for advice, but still cant make the decision to leave, ask yourself why. Don't make up excuses, really get to the root of why. There could be lots of reasons, all very valid but if deep down you know the reason is simply 'I don't want to be alone' I think you know that isn't a good enough reason... be brave.... push through your fear. Alone isn't really as bad as you think, in fact, it can be liberating. And if you are super terrified of it you can soon meet someone new if you put your mind to it. My mantra has always been... I'd rather be alone than in an unhappy relationship... you can't find Mr Right if you're wasting time with Mr Wrong. You deserve someone you love who loves you, if that's the only reason and you don't love him, leave.


4. ARE YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVABLE?

Do you argue on a day to day basis about little things? Is one of you a bit stubborn. Can you accept the aspects of your partner you don't like? Don't try to solve things outside of your relationship (ie cheating or escaping with alcohol etc) work on thinking up compromises, or if you can't compromise work out if this is going to affect your life as a whole? How much does it mean to you eg. 'I don't want kids' could obviously be a far bigger problem for you than 'I don't do dishes'  weigh it up.


...and finally....


5. KNOW THAT THINGS ARE NOT GOING TO DRAMATICALLY GET BETTER

This absolutely is key. I know a lot of women (and men) that tell themselves 'it will get better when we (move in/ get married/ have a baby)' delete where applicable! I'm sorry to tell you that just isn't true. All of the above bring with them new challenges and less time for each other. Everyone is on their best behaviour at the start of a relationship and although I don't think things get worse... your mate will always be who he is, flaws and all. If you can't deal with his flaws now (or he can't deal with yours) the likelihood is you will find it even harder once you throw family life into the mix. If you love him and can see the bigger picture and let the small things go while still maintaining your own happiness then I think you can definitely make things work and recapture what you had when you started out.


Whatever you decide, go into it with your eyes open... don't jump ship too soon but don't kid yourself either. I hope this helps some of you out there to gain a little perspective... go with your gut and I promise whatever you decide, it will all turn out well in the end. Break ups are hard and the weight of our decisions is heavy but no matter the path you can find happiness.

Lots of love my lovelies





Tara xXx
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For more advice please write to me at: tarawemail@gmail.com to be featured in my 'free opinions' section. The more detail on your roblem the easier it will be for us to find a solution!